A fotografia já me pareceu difícil e enigmática.
Difícil porque minhas experiências não foram boas com ela. Pelo menos até ficar adulta.
Eu era a que chorava ou fechava os olhos. E no tempo dos filmes, essa era uma combinação desastrosa.
Sem querer (e sem saber), decidi que ser fotografada não era para mim.
E sendo observadora e reservada, eu preferia planejar os finais de semana para “produzir” a @lilianecoelho_ procurando cenários na nossa casa de paredes brancas.
Não era frequente mas a gente não via a hora de revelar os filmes e “o que a câmera tinha feito”, porque eu só recortava, e contava com a sorte mesmo.
Dessa época, alguns retratos bonitos da minha gêmea. Era bom, e dava medo porque ela sempre esperava um pote de ouro vindo de mim. E eu, sem ter idéia alguma do que fazia, estava certa de que esse pote viria mesmo dela.
Até que a vida, e um caminho aberto por nossa irmã mais corajosa, se encarregou de mudar o curso. E pronto: encontro promovido. Eu e a fotografia: um tanto de desconfiança, e depois de atrevimento.
Muitos anos da minha vida pensando que todo mundo merece ter uma fotografia bonita. Uma visão romântica, como tantas que ainda encontro aqui. Mas ainda é sobre isso. Pelo menos parte do que descobri ainda é sobre isso.
E nessa quarentena, numa seleção de perguntas e respostas, outra descoberta. Como não tinha parado para pensar nisso antes?!
Ser fotografada não funcionava porque eu detestava a experiência. A impaciência, a velocidade, a direção… A mistura de fundos ruins e pouca generosidade.
Talvez aí o enigma que a fotografia carrega: todos precisamos dar permissão.
Ser respeitados, mesmo que essa conversa nem chegue a ter palavras.
Ser invadido, e ainda por cima não ser visto, é a pior das sensações.
Por isso, se você se idêntica com alguma coisa aqui, existe uma boa notícia: o problema começa a ser resolvido na experiência. Pense nisso. Escolha com cuidado “os olhos” que gostaria que contassem mais sobre você.
Todos temos coisas raras e lindas. E se te olharem de perto, com calma, com carinho, é certo que elas estarão lá.
A fotografia é gigante. E por isso, tem um tanto enorme da minha vida e do meu coração.
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