A primeira vez que li o nome de Fernanda Young foi na abertura da série “Os normais”. Os diálogos inteligentes, atrevidos e de humor tão realista me deixavam tonta. Era o tipo de programa que exigia toda a minha concentração e, mesmo assim, eu perdia mil coisas.
Quis saber quem fazia aquilo de um jeito que eu não conseguia dar conta. Comecei a correr pra frente da TV antes de o programa começar e só desgrudava da tela depois de ler todos os créditos no final. Nem sempre dava certo. Às vezes, o próximo programa “invadia” a vinheta e estragava tudo ou eu me atrasava e não havia botão de voltar para corrigir isso. Mas, um dia, deu certo. Estava lá: “Roteiro – Alexandre Machado e Fernanda Young”.
Nem precisei anotar. Era um nome impossível de esquecer. Pensei então: “o que eu faço com isso?”. No final da década de 90 (ou início dos anos 2000, não lembro direito) era impossível “dar um Google” e, com certeza, eu não encontraria nada sobre ela em enciclopédias. Então, esperei. Sabia que, mais cedo ou mais tarde, ela apareceria. E apareceu. Em matérias nas minhas revistas preferidas; em programas de TV; em capas de revista; dividindo a bancada com outras mulheres; em vários programas só dela; em artigos que passou a assinar para as revistas que antes nem sabiam que ela existia…
Descobri Fernanda Young assim, lendo, observando, ouvindo e pesquisando até chegar em “As pessoas dos livros”, o primeiro impresso que encontrei. Depois vieram “Vergonha dos pés”, “Aritmética”… Em todos eles, eu sentia a mesma coisa que na série: ela dava trabalho. Não que a linguagem fosse inacessível, mas a escrita sempre imprimia uma velocidade enorme; os personagens eram sempre caóticos e, a vida para eles, parecia sempre um mar revolto no qual estavam prestes a se afogar.
Entendi que ela era assim. De uma velocidade grande. De uma intensidade gigante. De uma confiança imensa e, ao mesmo tempo, de uma enorme insegurança.
Ela era muito do que não sou. Tatuada, desbocada, debochada…. Mas também era linda, delicada, corajosa, destemida, divertida, amorosa e sensível a tudo que existia à sua volta.
Aprendi a gostar de não gostar dela. A assistir tudo o que fazia, mesmo indignada. Aprendi que ela não estava ali para me agradar, para me dizer o que eu queria ouvir, para fazer o que eu esperava dela…. Estava ali porque tinha aquele direito. Tinha conquistado. Mesmo tendo feito supletivo e tendo saído de um lugar sem glamour, como Niterói.
Ao entender isso, descobri que ela era uma pessoa para amar ou odiar, mas que dificilmente poderia ser ignorada. Escolhi aceitá-la, sem julgamentos e não demorou muito para eu chegar ao nível seguinte: a admiração.
Adorava descobrir que ela falava de si mesma em vários personagens; que era mãe de gêmeas (como eu e a Chris); fã de Madonna; amiga do (maravilhoso) Duda Molinos; colecionadora de mil cacarecos como boa taurina; apaixonada por moda e pelo Alexandre Herchcovitch; que detestava praia; que suas ilustrações eram tão malucas quanto ela; que usava a mesma paixão para mandar alguém “à merda” e bordar frases com poesias para os filhos…
Ela era o máximo! Estava sempre no volume mais alto. Era barulhenta, definitivamente. E, muitas vezes, eu me cansava de ouvi-la e dizia: “chega dessa chata!”. Poucos dias depois, lá estava eu me divertindo com essa versão punk-fashion da Hebe e esperando, ansiosa, pela próxima coisa engraçada que ela ia dizer; pelo próximo texto lindo que iria publicar; pela nova tatuagem que iria inventar…
Ela era como um filme que começava com trilha de suspense e terminava com todo mundo rolando de rir no chão. Ela era inesperada. Ou, como diria o Miguel “inesperável”. Eu amava isso nela. Nunca saber o que iria aprontar ou quem iria afrontar no minuto seguinte. Adorava vê-la se defendendo, sempre vestida de um português impecável e falando de forma tão contundente que quase não notávamos suas produções incríveis. Quase.
Quando ela se foi, eu soube por uma mensagem. Estava chegando à casa da minha irmã, em um domingo, e ouvi o alerta de mensagem do meu WhatsApp: “- Li, você viu que a Fernanda Young morreu?” – disse o Thiago. Dei um Google na hora e senti tanto… Senti muito. Minha tristeza era perder alguém que me desafiava, que não fazia nada do jeito que eu faria, mas tinha tanto em comum comigo…
Ela amava a escrita, os filhos, os (poucos) amigos, a irmã… Ela sofria quando era mal interpretada, quando sentia que não tinha feito alguma coisa bem feita…
Quando amava, não tinha medo de dizer. Quando não gostava, dizia sem pensar duas vezes. Quando estava triste, não se preocupava em mentir. Quando queria alguma coisa, não esperava permissão. Quando tinha um sonho, tentava realizá-lo por si mesma. Nunca se escondeu atrás de ninguém. Ao contrário, sempre se apresentou para a vida dizendo “estou aqui”, “deixa comigo”, “eu faço”, “eu digo”, “eu tento”, “eu consigo”…
Que saudade! Queria que os vários emails que escrevi tivessem encontrado você. Queria que você tivesse tido mais tempo por aqui. Queria que tivéssemos nos conhecido. Acho que eu me sentiria bem pequena perto de você, embora a gente devesse ter praticamente a mesma altura. Mas, eu não teria medo. Ao contrário, teria muito orgulho de estar, ao vivo, com uma pessoa dos livros. Você os amava e isso era mais uma coisa sobre a qual a gente poderia conversar.
Fique bem. Você não foi importante. Ainda é.
Christiane e Liliane Coelho são irmãs gêmeas. Uma é fotógrafa com alma de escritora. A outra, redatora criativa que está realizando o sonho de escrever seu primeiro livro. 
Português do Brasil 
Português
É isso, Li. Em todos os detalhes. Em cada ponto. Todos os que você conhece bem, porque quando a história é nossa, não precisamos ter medo de esquecer nada.
Com seu texto entendi porque tenho vontade de escrever nas paredes ultimamente. A fúria é do medo de não dar conta de todas as palavras que têm vindo feito cachoeira. Não consigo dormir. Elas não deixam. Mas sem você saber, me ajudou. Como sempre faz. Como vou falar verdades e coisas que são de verdade, não tenho como esquecer. E posso diminuir a velocidade, sem diminuir o volume. Já sou surda. 🙂
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